Lonely in NY and Consolidating Friends

A few weekends ago I went to New York City. I haven’t been in more than 2 years. The last time must have been right before I came out because I’ve never done gay New York. The trip was primarily for shopping, but I did catch up with a gay friend from college, and hung out with a lot of gays over the weekend because my travel companion is dating someone in the film industry. G-A-Y. Haha.

The trip didn’t start off on the right foot. I called DC to let him know I was going to be in town. Naturally, he didn’t call back, which made me question why I continue to bother with people who obviously aren’t interested. Ironically, about five minutes after I sat down on the bus, I realized that DC’s old roommate was in the seat directly in front of me. I said hi when we arrived in NYC and he was super friendly, even saying we should try to get together. But, I knew that wasn’t going to happen.  When we parted and I told him to tell DC I said hi. Why did I ask him to do that when the guy knew I was coming but didn’t have the courtesy to even call back? Who knows. I’m weak. And lonely. And I can’t get him out of my head for some reason. I seem to have a problem moving on from someone I connect with, even though the rational part of me knows there’s nothing there from the other person.

***

Speaking of loneliness – wow, New York City. Being there again reminded me why I wouldn’t want to live there. For starters, it’s loud, crowded, polluted, dirty, smelly and the cost of living sucks. Seriously, I stayed in a four story walk-up that hadn’t been renovated, no amenities like a dishwasher or washer/dryers, that didn’t even have a sink in the bathroom.  Rent? $1,300. Ridiculous.

Moreover, my experience out in the gay community was stereotypical New York. They all have these fabulous jobs that keep them busy, they’re getting a beach house over the summer and taking nice trips. But, they’re all single and I think really lonely on the inside. Doesn’t every human have a need for connection? It’s like my last post about my friends IM conversation – they’ve just given up on that and are satisfied being alone. Or feign it well.  I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life

***

Since my return, I’ve done a lot of hanging out.  It’s been beautiful outside and I have little discipline, even though I have a lot going on.  All this hanging out, though, makes me think it’s time to lose some friends.  Specifically, the one’s who aren’t adding value to my life.

It started Wednesday with the old kickball friends.  Talk about a group of drunks that are never going to grow up.  I enjoy a good night of flip cup now and then, but most of them are in their late-twenties and they’re lives still revolve around bar crawls, parties, flip cup, softball and kickball.  And, I’m not even going to start on the drama.  Every once in awhile, it has entertainment value, but honestly, if I left DC, I’d keep in touch with two or three people, tops.

Next up on the elimination list is PM.  Wow, what an annoying fuck.  He’s one of those people who is super sweet, but is clueless that he annoys the hell out of everyone.  He hangs on you.  He constantly asks you if he looks cute.  He whines.  He IMs and has nothing to say.  He calls every day.  Ugh, I’m a nice person, but I’ve let it go on too long.  My other friends decided long ago they were done with him and it’s time for me to stop under achieving.

Finally, there is BM.  Poor BM.  I knew something was wrong with the kid when I realized he’s been in DC for six years and seemingly has zero friends.  I’ve always been a little leery of him, but, again he’s nice and it’s hard for me to be unfriendly to nice guys.  Saturday, though, he pushed one too many buttons.  He showed up at my apartment unannounced.  He claimed he got an Evite for a party I was having.  I seriously think he made the whole thing up because he wanted to go out.  He’s already in the building for the “party”, so he stops by and convinces me to go out with him eventually.  I wasn’t really ready to hit the town yet, but I cave and get ready.  Once I’m set to go, he says he needs 5-10 minutes to finish his drink.  Ugh – I hate waiting on people.  When we get to Nellie’s, I realize I stupidly forgot my ID, so I have to trudge home and back.  When I return to Nellie’s, my third 15 minute walk, BM asks if I’m ready to hit Town.  No, I’m not.  I just walked 2 miles and haven’t had one drink yet.  He starts complaining about the line when it’s late, blah blah blah. I decide I can’t take it, so I grab a drink.  He asks if I can chug it.  Then, there’s the clincher…he says, “I won’t freak out if we leave by 11:55.”  Really?  You won’t freak out?  Who the hell freaks out because they have to wait in line for 10 minutes, first of all.  Secondly, it’s not even midnight and there will barely be a line.  I manage to finish my beer quickly (I needed it), and we walked over to Town.  Sure enough, we get there and basically walk right in to an smallish crowd.

Getting rid of friends that aren’t doing anything for me but sucking up my time and annoying me is going to be a  good thing!

DC Dating Exposed

I had an IM conversation with a friend tonight that was about the most depressing discussion of dating in DC ever.  Read on…

[20:19] Friend: it is so easy to hook up out of town
[20:20] Friend: and almost impossible for me in DC
[20:20] Me: really?
[20:20] Me: why not in DC
[20:20] Friend: but i think i am just not even open to it in DC
[20:20] Friend: cause of working at [excised]
[20:20] Friend: and what people would say
[20:20] Friend: blah blah blah….but it is true
[20:20] Friend: i mean if i find a guy i like
[20:20] Friend: here
[20:20] Friend: i’ll go with it
[20:21] Friend: but i think i am so closed off to the idea…i just make it really hard for it to happen
[20:21] Me: well im sure there’s hope
[20:22] Friend: well
[20:22] Friend: maybe in another city!
[20:22] Friend: LOL
[20:22] Me: ha
[20:22] Friend: boys here are not really into dating
[20:23] Friend: it really is either hooking up
[20:23] Friend: or they just are not ready for it
[20:23] Me: see you’ve given up
[20:23] Me: !
[20:23] Me: some ppl want to date
[20:23] Friend: i think there may be some
[20:23] Friend: !
[20:23] Me: it’s just finding them
[20:24] Friend: yep
[20:24] Me: they must hide somewhere special
[20:24] Friend: impossible
[20:24] Friend: well…i just don’t even know how two people can actually come together and enjoy being with each other
[20:24] Friend: it just seems impossible
[20:24] Me: wait
[20:25] Friend: i just cannot imagine meeting someone that i could be with
[20:25] Me: this is a sad statement: “i just don’t even know how two people can actually come together and enjoy being with each other”
[20:25] Me: why not?
[20:25] Me: no one good enough
[20:25] Friend: no i don’t think that is it
[20:25] Friend: i just find that people i seem to enjoy don’t enjoy me
[20:26] Me: ahhhh
[20:26] Friend: and people that enjoy me i don’t really enjoy them in that same way
[20:26] Me: yea i feel that way too
[20:26] Me: ditto
[20:26] Friend: so it just seems impossible that the two ever come together
[20:26] Me: well, there’s someone out there
[20:27] Friend: well…i am trying to get to the point where i am ok if that doesn’t happen
[20:27] Me: what!?!
[20:27] Me: omg
[20:27] Friend: and DC is a great teacher
[20:27] Me: remind me not to make you my therapist
[20:27] Friend: LOL
[20:27] Friend: what???
[20:28] Friend: why is that a bad goal?
[20:28] Friend: so i focus on the things i do have in my life
[20:28] Friend: family
[20:28] Friend: friends
[20:28] Me: well, love and affection and commitment is something i want
[20:28] Friend: well i can love my family and friends
[20:29] Me: true
[20:29] Friend: you have no idea how much I think i want to be with someone
[20:29] Friend: and i think it is more motivated by fear
[20:29] Friend: fear of being alone
[20:29] Friend: and i want to get rid of that
[20:30] Me: by getting rid of the fear?
[20:30] Friend: well if i can get to the point where i am ok saying…i am going to be alone
[20:30] Friend: and be ok with that
[20:30] Friend: i think i’ll be in a better spot to actually really love someone
[20:31] Friend: so in some ways even though i really want to be with someone
[20:31] Friend: i am not always sure i am ready
[20:31] Friend: i love this
[20:33] Me: lol
[20:33] Me: ok
[20:33] Me: so if ur ok w/ being alone, maybe something will just happen when you dont expect it
[20:33] Friend: yep
[20:34] Friend: and i don’t freak out about them not calling me for 2-3 days
[20:34] Friend: i’ll just be more stable about it

<sigh>

The Reply

My roommate has been out of town more often than usual on the weekends.  When I have the place to myself, it’s nice to stay in a night and chill out.  At the same time, having the apartment to myself makes me horny.  So, I entertain myself by posting Craigslist ads and reading the replies.  The pictures and messages can give me a voyeuristic thrill.

Okay, so maybe this is a sad way to entertain myself, but nontheless interesting to see (often) the same people replying over and over.  Man, there’s a lot of sad losers out there.  Occasionally, there’s a nice guy, too.  What really gets me, though, are the idiots who lie.

Take this guy:

NW DC just above Dupont looking to host or travel to give a great massage. I’m 38 6’2″ 185 athletic masculine good looking white male clean safe d/d free Neg very discreet. Early evenings and weekends are good to meet, but we can always work on a time that might suit you. I’m into giving long deep tissue rubdown/massages. And I do mean massage not just a quick rubdown with my hands open I give a great deep tissue massage I have very strong hands and I know when, where and how to use them. There is no charge only do this for a hobby. I have pics for trade. Also into outdoor sports running, biking, hiking, volleyball, working out and especially tennis very athletic type guy here.

It’s always nice when someone uses their real e-mail address and I can find the person who sent these “anonymous” replies on Facebook, MySpace or Friendster.  Seriously, people, if you want to be anonymous, get a fake e-mail address.  But, this moron really takes the cake.  He claimed to be 38, but his Facebook profile said he was born in 1960.  Maybe 48 is the new 38?  To make it even more pathetic,  the gentleman caller’s e-mail address was xx_080260@blah.com (e-mail changed to protect the poor guy).  That’s right – his freaking birthday was in his e-mail!!!

When will…

It’s been awhile since I wrote a post.  Overall, I’m feeling a lot of self-doubt and worry lately.  My annual assessment at work is approaching.  While I feel really good about it and expect to be promoted, I feel like I should be more passionate about my work.  I doubt government consulting is ever going to be that way.  I’m doing okay on my New Year’s Resolutions.  I’m still drinking a little too much Diet Coke, buying a few too many coffee and pastries and haven’t made much effort to volunteer.  But overall, I’m okay with where I’m at, with the recognition I could do better.

There have been some fun moments this winter.  My friend’s birthday party that involved a stripper another friend found on Craiglist who just did it for the voyeuristic thrill.  Only in the gay world!  My roommate and I hosted a really nice brunch for friends and had a group of people over for game night, which was also a blast.

My biggest sadness is the lack of a relationship.  I sent DC a thoughtful Valentine’s Day note, which he acknowledged the same day by saying he was really touched.   So, I put myself out there by suggesting I could visit him bc my roommate is traveling to NYC often to see the guy she’s dating.  No response.  I sent a text message last week saying I was thinking about him.  No response.  In what in retrospect was probably a desperate, sad move, I e-mailed to see if he changed his phone number.  Guys love a lack of self-confidence, right?  I’m being ironic.  Oh yea, the guy on my last date passed out/fell asleep while we were making out.  Awesome.

Loneliness.

For the past week, I wake up in a fog.  I hit the snooze alarm until I absolutely have to go to work.  I feel lousy when I crawl out of bed.  I go through the motions at work, just trudging through.  The worst is that I’m projecting on the outside what I feel on the inside more often of late.  I sigh.  I speak quietly.  I avert my eyes.  I’m silent.  There’s no emotion in my voice.

Worry.

I wonder where my job is going.  What I’m going to do when my roommate leaves.  How much the rent is going to increase.  Whether I’ll be able to find someone who wants to go to a wedding in May with me (probably not).  How I’m going to get away this summer.  How many of my “friends” are friends for the long haul.  Whether I might be depressed and need therapy.

Self-doubt

When will my confidence be restored?  When will I genuinely look forward to something again?

Freaking Cold!

This week was dichotomous.  Wow – look at me and my big words.  On the one hand, I was focused on accomplishing things.  I finished a lot at work each day, my roommate and I started our shared calendar and began planning events for February, I finally ordered pictures from my summer roadtrip to cover my bare bedroom walls and I am almost done updating my stock tracking spreadsheet that will make it a lot easier to maintain.  I also met my goal for working out.

On the other hand, I ate out for lunch yesterday, bought a muffin and coffee on Monday and spent too much drinking last night.  Win some – lose some, eh?  Overall, I’m pleased with my 2008 resolutions so far.  I feel like I’ve been pretty focused on getting stuff done and wasting less time.

The weather is definitely cramping my style.  I’ve been a little down lately.  It’s been over a month since I’ve had any action!  I miss DC, but, as expected, that is pretty much going nowhere.  I sent him an e-mail earlier this week and then a text message Thursday asking him if he was going to be in DC soon.  He didn’t reply to either, which left me feeling sad.  I’ve had 6 or 7 first dates in the three months since NK broke up with me, which is great, right?  But, none has produced a potential connection or spark like him.

This situation  left me feeling lonely and wondering if I’ll meet someone who I click with anytime soon.  I’ll have to do a better job of putting myself out there for that to happen, as my roommate would say.  She and I went to a mutual friends birthday party Thursday.  It was a small, quiet crowd before the birthday boy arrived and I didn’t know anyone, so we sat by ourselves and waited.  If I hadn’t been in such a depressed mood I would have introduced myself to the other group.  I know I left a bad first impression when we all did meet.  And, of course, the one guy I was attracted to who seemed like a really decent guy has a partner.  Argh!  I hate being reminded that a lot of the good ones are taken.

OK – enough of today’s pity party.  I went out with two of my straight girlfriends last night and had fun.  They’re great girls who cheer me up.

Welcome to 2008!

Now that we’re more than half of a month into 2008, I think it’s time to re-assess my New Year’s Resolutions. I read a book on my recent trip to Hawaii that made me think I need to refine my 2008 goals to be more specific and, therefore, achievable.

A few things are difficult to further define, or can be achieved by the more specific goals that follow:

• Do a better job of meeting people through friends
• Put myself out there as my roommate would say
• Develop deeper connections with the many acquaintances I have who could be real, life-long friends
• Drink less Diet Coke
• Spend less money on frivilous things like eating out at work, coffee, pastries and drinking too much
• Focus on enjoying life through experiences

Other resolutions for 2008

• Update my stock portfolio once per quarter
• Get promoted at work (assessment coming up in April and, so far, the feedback is good)
• Pay myself first (credit “The Millionaire Mind”) – save first, then spend the rest
• Run/treadmill/elliptical 5 days/week and lift 3 days
• Read more books
• Volunteer at WWC once/month
• Do Yoga once/month
• Do something cultural, like museums, theater, fests, concerts once/month
• Vacation – Bahamas, Jamaica, California, Europe, Football game (3 of the 5?)
• Go skydiving for my birthday

Overall, I’m pretty happy with my life right now – career, living situation, social life, friends. The stresses I will have to deal with this year include my roommates impending departure for business school and subsequently needing to find a new place to live and money considerations.

I’ll return to this throughout the year to update.

Fancy pants

Just a short continuation of the story of my date with DC right before Christmas.  After, Logan Tavern, we went back to my place, put in Garden State (also one of his favorite movies) and proceeded to yada, yada, yada.

Afterwards, as we lay in bed chatting, we had one of the funniest conversations I’ve had in awhile. I think it started with him telling me about the on-line business he’s trying to start to help burgeoning artists promote their work. From there, it somehow devolved into a random conversation about playing an April Fool’s Day joke to create and sell a new product, “Fancy Pants,” – fashionable, one-time use underwear. We’d market it by promoting how dirty it is to reuse normal underwear, even after washing, and the convenience of never having to launder undergarments again. We imagined the sheep of America flocking to this new convenience product like those Ziplock throw-away plastic containers. Americans are so wasteful!

So, I’m into this guy. But, he’s 22, lives in Brooklyn and our lives are seemingly going in different directions. Nor do I have any inclination that he feels the same way. I’m keeping my expectations low. Or trying too. In those rare moments when I actually connect with someone, it’s hard for me to get them off my mind. I set myself up to be sad and disappointed. Damn feelings!

In the meantime, my first date extravaganza continues!

DA – met him at the December 4H through a friend and we had coffee. Good guy, successful, hosted a fun New Year’s Eve party, but no connection.

SM – met New Year’s Eve, we had a nice dinner, good conversation, went back to his place with what turned out to be a terrible movie. The funny thing about him is that we have good conversations on the phone, but in person, it’s more of a struggle. He’s just a little too “DC” for me (i.e. good guy, successful, but a bit dull).

NJ – a guy I met awhile ago who is a server at a local bar and ended up going on a date with a friend that went nowhere. He’s super hot and I turned up the flirtation when I ran into him when I got back from Christmas. I ended up back at his place (ooops), but it was tame. We’re supposed to have dinner this week, but I’m not sure if it’s going to happen. Like many hot guys, he has issues.

RB – Another cute guy I met through 4H. Maybe a movie this week….to be continued.

My incompatible match

I met DC my first night at Town over Thanksgiving weekend. I’m not the type of person to go out with the intention of hooking-up, but it had been over two months since NK and I was in need. So, if something happened, I wasn’t going to complain. It was late – well past the point where one should be interested in any of the leftovers remaining ,when a guy, AM, comes up to my friend WM, who I was with, to say hi. Turns out they know each other through MySpace (there MUST be an interesting story there). AM was there with DC, who promptly starts dancing with me and tells me that he saw me when he came in and immediately wanted to talk to me. A charming compliment, but at this point in the evening, one that probably prompted eye-rolling on my part. Nonetheless, we continue dancing, DC and I talk more and I decide he seems genuine (not to mention cute) and the four of us end up going back to AM’s apartment in Chinatown and yada, yada, yada, I wake up next to DC Sunday morning.

This wasn’t a run of the mill hook-up, however. We actually conversed and cuddled. The more we talked, the more I thought this kid has some depth. Plus, the cuddling was great and I’m a sucker for affection. Unfortunately, I keep referring to him as a “kid” for a reason. He’s 22, a recent graduate of one of the local diploma farms. Additionally, he’s a photographer and just moved to the Big Apple to launch his career in fashion photography. Hmmm….not exactly someone on paper I’d see as a compatible match. We agree to meet again when he’s back in town and formalize our new relationship by becoming Facebook friends.

Fast forward a month to last Thursday when I run into him at Cobalt. I thought he was coming to DC, but I hadn’t heard from him. Turns out I mistyped my cell in our e-mail exchange. Ooops. We catch-up, dance and before I know it, it’s bar close. I’d been out and having fun since an after work happy hour, so was feeling good. I presume he and I will re-unite back at my place. But, he pointedly declines and says we’re going on a date Friday. I added some points to his scorecard.

Friday, we ate at Logan Tavern (sidenote: I recognize our waiter from his Manhunt profile and I about leapt out of my chair when he appeared beside me). Our conversation touches on his photography, our thoughts about DC, growing up, the contest at his going-away party to guess how many people he’s “had relations” with out of 40 randomly selected Facebook friends (answer: 9) and ourselves. Conclusion: he’s interesting, honest, smart, ambitious, passionate, authentic and he has feelings…it’s refreshing. It’s rather odd because it made me realize how few guys in DC are like that. Many of those words could be used to describe DC guys, but he isn’t one of the DC suit-and-tie clones that, while nice, I think I’d eventually find boring in a relationship. After dinner, we head back to my place, start a movie, but quickly find ourselves distracted.

Defining this relationship is a challenge. What can I say at this point given the circumstances? Naturally, I rationally assess the situation and the reality is that I don’t expect much. He’s very NYC, I’m DC and our lives are headed in different directions. At the very least, it’s been good to know they’re are people like him out there and to have this mid-winter connection. He’ll be back next month, so we’ll see what happens.

The Year that (almost) was

With 2007 quickly coming to a close, I’ve been thinking about the last year and what’s ahead for 2008. I’m facing a bit of a late-twenties life crisis. Work is generally good – I perform well, I’m respected, the work is decent and I’m well positioned for a promotion in the spring. I don’t leap out of bed everyday, but I’m better off than most I’d say. I’m pondering where I go after almost 5 years in the same job. I also have a desire to make more money. Do I want to do this for the rest of my life? Do I try for a lateral move in the industry for more money? I don’t have graduate school in me at the moment and I’d rather not give up a paycheck to do it.

The other life dimension I’ve been thinking about is relationships, of course. I had my second “real” relationship this year. Although, the first one in the summer of 2006 lasted only a month, I still count it. The summer fling is still something I’m trying to get over. I’ve been doing much better since I decided friendship wasn’t going to work, either. But, I’m left feeling lonely and wanting for companionship. Who doesn’t want someone they care about and have affection for to cuddle with during the cold winter months?

For the last month I turned to Manhunt. Not in the sketchy way the site is used by most. I tried that twice and found it left me lonely and empty. Instead, I tried to use it to meet new people, or even interaction with new people as a way to connect. I don’t know why I always forget that Manhunt is worthless on that front. Over the last month, I met a grand total of one person – he was nice, but the smoking, conversation about his recreational drug use and general disheveled persona makes me doubtful he’d make a great friend (or more). Interesting guy to know, though. There were a number (athmil, dcboi21, dcmascguy, FuckYouNotMe, juventus7, loganjock29, onlyonenight, rottura, sangenjo99, smoothfundc, surfonland, and surfdrew) who I chatted or e-mailed with, but when it came down to it weren’t interested. Others were less interested in meeting new people for friendship or dating than they were in meeting Mr. Right Now. About the only thing that came out of the last month was figuring out that I’m now friends with someone I used to chat with last year, but didn’t recognize from online until recently. I chatted with another guy who is in the same circle of friends who I hadn’t met yet. And, lastly one guy I chatted with who seemed decent ended up finding me through the Are YOU Interested app on Facebook. We plan to grab a drink sometime. All in all, a lot of time for very little outcome.

So, how do I improve upon the relationship state for 2008?

• Forget Manhunt – it’s a waste of time
• Do a better job of meeting people through friends
• Focus on things that I enjoy, like the volunteering I started to do for WWC and the gay sports club I joined
• Put myself out there as my roommate would say
• Remember that hooking-up is what it is – unlikely to lead to anything substantive
• Try to turn some of the many going out guru acquaintances I have fun with into real friends

Other resolutions for 2008

• Get back into investing
• Figure out how to make more money
• Take action to ensure a promotion at work, and if I’m not satisfied, find a new job
• Spend less money on frivilous eating out like coffee, pastries and lunch at work
• Drink less Diet Coke
• Continue to regularly work out
• Read more (I already started this with my new DC library card)
• Focus on enjoying life through experiences, like the vacations I’d like to take
• Drink less -I feel like I drink to excess sometimes, but it doesn’t make the night any more fun and I should learn to have more fun without alcohol

Lastly, two incidents this week reminded me that I can be a real dick sometimes. First, a friend came over to pick-up my roommate for the evening. She was really flustered because she was running late and her cell wasn’t working, so she had no way to call and tell her she was here to get her. She was wearing something that a catty gay might make a snide remark about, which I often do when I’m with her, but directed at other people. But, that day, I made the remark to her. It was something Karen on Will & Grace would say, “Honey, what’s this?” [pointing up and down]. The second experience was having my roommate’s sister in town for the week. To be honest, I’m not a huge fan – she’s a a bit of a Debbie Downer, constantly complaining and whining. Therefore, I need to take her in small doses. To top it off, she’s the younger sister, so I default to the hard-time I often give my own younger sister. Well, I must be really bad at hiding my feelings because my roommate told me her sister would be staying with a friend for most of the week because she didn’t feel welcome in our apartment. Yikes! In 2008, I need to remember to treat people with care, respect and appreciation by applying a “filter” to my bluntness and thinking about how I might perceive something if said it to me.

Gay Stereotypes

Last night, I went to a friend-of-a-friend’s 23rd birthday party.  Man, I feel old.  But, I hate to admit in what must be one of my gayest experiences of the year, all us homos had quite a bit of fun dancing and screaming the lyrics to Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas” in the middle of the birthday boy’s living room (twice).  OMG, totes hilar (as my friend Mike would say).

While, we’re on the topic of gay stereotypes, go to Wonkette and search for Axis of Fun.  I learned about this pre-drinking with a few friends last night.  Apparently, it was the talk of the DC homos this week.  I didn’t know Wonkette was still required reading.  Plus, I don’t work on the Hill and have all day to sit around reading Wonkette.  Basically, some gay Senate staffer got arrested for arranging to have sex with a 13 year-old boy, who was actually a cop.  Gross.  A couple of catty gays tipped off Wonkette that the perpetrator was a member of an informal gay clique that dubs themselves the Axis-of-Fun.  Apparently, the tipsters membership was rejected.  The Axis of Fun is a sort of Homo Mean Girls cliche made up of self-hating, mediocre Republicans.  Good for a laugh.  And for a reminder of how there is a certain part of gay culture that never graduated from high school.

After the birthday bash, I headed back to my place in a taxi with my friend T and another guy who lived nearby.  T commented as we walked toward our apartments from the cab that he would be going to bed all alone.  I replied that he could come over to my place and cuddle, not really knowing if he would agree.  But, it was cold and raining and I figured a cuddle sounded good.  I was slightly hesistant because he is a friend and we exchanged a semi-awkward goodnight kiss after going to Town last Friday.  Not a gay kiss-on-the-check, but more like a why-don’t-you-come-back-to-my-place kiss on the lips.  But, whatever, it was late, we’d had few beers, so we came back to my place, hopped into bed, cuddled for a bit, made out and slept until 11:00 a.m.  Yet another example of something few would see out of the ordinary in the gay community that straight people might find a bit odd.